Wednesday, March 16, 2011

Love is all you need!

As much as I'm trying to focus on that motto, its becoming harder to ignore what my brain is telling me.  I know I'm just hormonal & my motherly protection instincts are coming on full force.  I want to give our Lil Roo everything he'll need, not all this fancy stuff with bells & whistles, but just the basics.  However, these basics are pretty expensive, especially when you are trying to do the right thing & buy organic, cruelty free things.  I'm worrying more & more about not having a larger space, like a house with yard and an organic garden.  Since one of us has bad credit & owes a lot in taxes, it'll be more challenging to buy a house if they need income & credit history from two people.  I never thought this kind of stuff would be important to me, as I've always wanted to just buy a piece of land with a community of people & build a cob structured home out of dirt & straw.  I try to just go with the flow & trust that everything will work out.  I do have faith, and believe in the laws of attraction, but part of my logical mind tells me I need to go get these things rather than wait for them to come to me.  Not to mention, needing a car that actually works in case we need to take Lil Roo to the doctors or what have you.  I know we could take public transit & eventually ride my bike with a trailer & Lil Roo in tow, but for emergencies I'd like to have a reliable car as well as when we take him out to nature & go on hikes. The timing of being laid off couldn't have been worse, I was not expecting to be jobless after working about 4 years with such an amazing group of people who had never led me to believe I was going to be let go of.  It was very shocking, as I'm just now, 2 months later able to think about it without crying.  Well, almost.  I just wish I could have worked a few more months to save up some money for our Lil Roo.  Change & transition is never easy, as I know from experience, but this extra hormonal time in my life has made the challenge of accepting, letting go & moving on a little bit harder.  Andy being self-employed is wonderful as he'll be around a lot more than someone who works a full time job, but also has its downfalls, like never knowing if or when money will come in.  That is something I'm not used to, as I've had a job since I was 15, with steady paychecks coming in every 2 weeks.  I know I'm learning a lot of about life right now, in various ways, and this is a growing opportunity for me that I can appreciate.  I am so fortunate for all that I do have, a caring partner whom I'll be raising a child with for the rest of our lives, a family who gives me unconditional love & support always, and a new family that I'm excited to be a part of & get to know better.  I'm also blessed to have clean water, air, & trees all around me, and a healthy body & baby growing inside me.  There are so many people & animals suffering all around the world, I feel selfish complaining about what I "don't" have, when really I have everything I need to be happy.  LOVE!  
P.S. Sorry for a downer type post, but I wanted to share my thoughts & feeling that I've been having honestly, rather than keep them to myself or sugar coat them when I'm talking to loved ones on the phone which is often easier to do.  As I've said before, the hardest thing so far about this whole pregnancy has been dealing with all the emotions & feelings that you go through.  Everything else has been a walk in the park, kinda.

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